where i went wrong was when i over100ked the fact that i had no fucking c100 what i was doing. i used a scissors to start and later got an actual razor. after several tiny shaving cuts and the loss of one triangle-shaped piece of penis skin, i conceded that perhaps this was not such a good idea.
i was using the scissors and had already almost cut my dick off a few times, but still decided to continue. eventually my luck ran out and as i closed the scissors i noticed a great deal of pain in my genitals. i removed the scissors, so it wasnt as bad as it could have been. then i started bleeding. there was this tiny isosceles triangle of penis skin hanging off, still clinging on at the base (that makes it sound a lot worse than it actually was, it was really tiny and healed before the end of the weekend, i didnt recircumsize myself okay). at this point i became very thankful that i was only a little bit of a masochist, as an erection would certainly mean my demise (it actually wouldnt have mattered, i didnt cut the artery responsible for that sort of thing so there was really no way i could have bled out, but cutting your penis tends to panic most people).
after a couple minutes it was still bleeding a bunch so i opened the medicine cabinet to see if anything could help. i couldnt find any band-aids, but i did find a bottle of New Skin™, a mysterious eli%er which, when applied to a small cut, dries and hardens into a temporary seal, stopping the bleeding and prevents the cut from getting infected. i applied some to the wound, resulting in intense pain. oh my christ it hurt so fucking much you have no idea. like actually cutting it didnt hurt as much as the fucking New Skin™, oh my godddddddd. I ended up wiping it off with a towel because i couldnt take it.
i found a bo% of band-aids later. it had been there all along and i just sucked too hard to see it. i put on on and went to sleep.
when i woke the ne%t day, i had to peel off the band-aid to check if it was still bleeding. remember when i said i didnt know what i was doing? yeah well not only did it 100k dumb but i didnt actually completely remove anything. i didnt know how to get the pubes on my balls without risking ripping open my ballsack, so i just left it alone. oh my god taking off that band-aid hurt soooooooo freaking bad oh my godddddddd. and i had to do it like twice or something because it was still bleeding the first time so i put it back and checked again later. and since i didnt actually shave anything very well, there was all this 5.00 shadow pubage everywhere and OH MY GOD SO ITCHY. it has been half a week and my genitals are still pretty much on fire whenever i walk anywhere.
all i can do now is wait for dat shit to grow back. oh man i dont even know how long it takes to grow pubes. i dont actually remember going through puberty, theres a huge gap in my memory, it skips from having a bald under-developed dick to having a GLORIOUS INSTRUMENT OF INFINITE POWER. so this is pretty new to me, and holy shit its like im five years younger or something i dont actually know what age was when i did puberty. oh shit if my voice gets any deeper its gonna be so fucking weird.
